The Death of Mary Sue 4: Super Sues
by CreativeSprite
Summary: Sick of "Lana's prettier cousin" and Clark's "pretty long lost twin sister?" You've come to the right place. Alice, Alex and Raven are mary sue slayers, giving each and every Mary Sue the horrible death they deserve while hunting for Celeste the Sue Queen
1. And so it begins

A/N: Welcome to the newest edition of Mary sue slayer. Apollo and I would like to say a big thankyou to all of our readers, you've stuck by us through thick and thin and a great big welcome to all our new readers. This is not the final Sue Slayer story, however this is the last story featuring Celeste.

I would also like to add the following disclaimer. Although SSU and the PPC are aware of each other, they are two separate anti-Sue entities

The slayers were now back at headquarters and Alice was in the hospital wing. After their last mission (and to give Alice time to heal) Kay gave them three weeks off. Mac insisted they only needed a week and that was a bit much, but Kay finally wore him down. Time passed slower at the SSU, which suited the slayers fine since months away on a mission meant Slayers often came from mission much older than when they left.

Raven found Alex at her favourite spot - a gothic looking gargoyle that stuck out of the building and overlooked the garden below. The whole place looked like a floating island, only the sky and surrounding area was a pearly white - the dimension that existed between worlds.

"You look like Selene," Raven commented with her hands in her pockets. Their sue clothes had been disposed of on their arrival, though Raven suspected that Alex had secretly liked the pants. Raven was just glad to be able to wear something clean again.

Alex turned and looked at her.

"You know, that opening scene in Underworld where she...never mind," she replied when Alex glared at her. "You're brooding."

"I'm thinking."

"I know what you're thinking about, how are we going to track Celeste? Will we be able to kill her for good this time? Is Tobey's information good? They did a mind-wipe on him and sent him back to his home world. He won't remember a thing, except for the occasional bad dream."

"Good," Alex replied. "It was clear from the Hogwarts mission, he wasn't cut out for this."

"It's interesting that Beth wanted to go with him. They did a mind wipe on her, too. Now she's he's next door neighbor who's just moved in. They'll be best friends, and who knows after that? That's the beauty of it, he's in control of his own life now, or at least the author in charge of it."

"He saw them as people, he never would have been able to kill them.

He would have gone the same way as Agent Jenson."

"Who's he?" Raven asked.

"He was a slayer who fell in love with a sue. Chastity Moonbeam. See, it takes a cold hearted man to see an innocent-looking girl, ignore her pleas for help and kill her anyway. Chastity wasn't an empty, shallow sue. She was a sue alright, but a good person. He fell in love with her and refused to kill her. He was kicked out of the SSU. Last I heard, Jenson and Chastity were on the run."

"Which is why you and Deamus could never work out," Raven told her. "At least not as long as he's a stu."

"I know, he giggles for fuck's sake. No straight man giggles like that."

"Who knows, maybe you won't have to kill him. Remember Hank? He was called Logurt for christ's sake. Now he's the most flawed person in this place." Hank and Raven had bonded during her time here, now they were close friends. Well, as close as two people could get in this place.

"And there's you," Alex told her. "You were one of them once. Now you're not."

"I'm different," Raven replied, her long bushy hair blowing in the breeze and getting in her eyes. "I was an unattractive teenage girl who was sick of seeing guys pass me up for my prettier friends, I was my own author. I already had a soul, I didn't have to grow one." Thanks to her years in Mary sue training and her months in the Pirates universe, Raven was now closer to twenty and could pass for older. Transporting between worlds could do weird things to a slayer's aging process and not in a good way. Hypnotism wasn't the only reason Alex wanted to stay immortal.

"Deamus and Hank were created by outside Authors," Raven continued. "And had no say in the process. Hank was created by a Nightcrawler/Wolverine fan boy. From the DNA they pulled from his blood that was in your system, Deamus was created by a teenage girl as the perfect boyfriend. Breaking free of an Author is hard. Hank managed by changing so much even his own writer wouldn't recognize him. If Deamus wants to change, it'll be a lot of hard work and he'll need more motivating that his love for you. And what then? He'll never be a slayer, he's too nice."

Alex shrugged.

"Come in Alex, let's get a beer."

"No thanks Raven, I'll stay out here some more." Alex smiled. "And don't worry about your past Rav, adults aren't as stupid as teenagers. You'll find someone."

Raven walked into the lounge where a bunch of slayers were watching some sports program on a giant flat screen TV. They didn't even look at her, didn't follow her with the same suspicious looks they used it. Now she was no different from them. Hank joining them had helped, the first Gary Stu to become a slayer. In a way, she wasn't so alone.

"Hey darlin', get me a beer would ya?"

Speak of the devil.

"Get it yourself," she called back and he laughed. Agent Pitrofki was sitting on his left. Despite his mistrust of her, Pitrofski was the first to befriend Hank. Male agents weren't as common as the women, maybe that had something to do with it.

Alex said that sleeping with Pitrofski was the biggest mistake she'd ever made and coming from Alex, that was saying something.

"But you're already at the fridge," Hank looked more like the comic book version of wolverine, less handsome than the movie version and more animal like. He had the same taste for cigars. All traces of his heritage from Nightcrawler was gone, now he was the offspring of Wolverine and a barmaid the result of a one-night stand. He had adopted his father's last name once he discovered his identity.

"And you're already getting on my nerves, wow it's been thirty seconds, looks like we might have a new record."

"Aw, you love me," he moved in for a hug and she dodged.

"See you in the training rooms Hank," she smiled. Raven had a gift for martial arts, now Hank was the only man brave enough to spar with her.

There was a loud _whoosh _sound and a gust of air scared all the papers in the room. Alice appeared what seen like out of nowhere and slammed the door to the room and pressed her back to it. The small hunter was still in a hospital get up with a ID tag still on her wrist, her eyes where all bugged up like someone let her drink a Monster. She saw Raven and smiled, she was twitchy too.

The other slayers in the room glanced up once to see who was making the racket then went back to their own business. Things like this were common in the SSU. Especially with Alice and it wasn't anything they could be bothered with.

"HeyRavenlongtimenosee! ?ohheywhosyournewfriend? !" Alice mouth moved so fast it was a blur.

Raven blinked but Hank spoke without even pausing.

"Just don't let him hear you say that. You don't want to know what happened to the last guy who insulted him."

"!Mandoesthatmanhaveatemper!" Alice giggled but it sounded all wired. Like Alven and the chipmunks on fast-forward.

"Wow and she called the Flash a crack head," Raven muttered. "Mac says once we're better he'll brief us on the next mission."

"Ohgood! ?"

The door swung open, in the door frame was a large manly looking female nurse holding a huge needle. Her brown eyes had almost a mad glean to them as she scanned the room. Again the other hunters didn't bother looking up, still nothing new.

"There you are!" She cried and lunged at Alice.

"Ohgottagobye!" Alice called before disappearing with a _whoosh_.

"Damnit! I've been chasing her all day!" The nurse kicked the chair in anger and pulled out a walky talky. "_This is DeVan, I lost her, over_."

"Shhhhh," a female hunter hissed before turning back to her book.

Mac's voice clicked on the other side, "_all right, keep looking. If she's off her meds to long we might have to remodel over."_

"I thought I left all the crazy people behind when I left Marvel," Hank muttered.

" Oh you're a Mutant too? Do you think you can help?" the DeVan asked looking hopeful. " We can really use the help."

Hank nodded.

"So what's the plan?" Raven asked. "You could always impersonate your dad, he's pretty scary."

Hank replied by flipping her off with his middle bone-claw.

"Nice, so are there any differences between you and your dad, or are you just a clone?"

"He's shorter," Hank grinned. "And I have powers way beyond those of a normal man."

"Oh and what's that?"

"Come back to my room and find out," he grinned.

_Oh good lord, is this what Alex meant when she said I would find someone? Hank?_

Raven didn't bat an eyelid. She was used to him by now and quickly discovered that a girlish squeal of "ew!" was just the reaction he was looking for.

"Sure Hank, whatever. Not interested." Raven and Hank were friends and as much as she secretly enjoyed the flirting, right now the idea of crossing the line was a little scary. But Raven had never had a boyfriend so the idea of being with _anyone_ was a little scary. Bashing someone's head in? Not a problem. But love? She was clueless.

"You keep tellin' yourself that darlin'," he chuckled.

"Ok, really people we have a huge problem here, can we save the HBO crap for later _please_." DeVan said with a bit of panic in her voice "We have a crazy Mutant dead set on not taking her medicine and no way to stop her. Hank this is basically the plot of half the stories in Marvel, what's your idea?"

Hank chuckled. "Hold yeh horses, we're going to be fine. No need to panic. Did I hear you say somethin' about medication?"

" Yes," She answered holding up the needle. " It's basically ritalin only it will put a normal person in a coma for a year, or kill them. Alice needs to take it every 12 hours or, well you seen what happen. It wasn't a problem when she was in PotC, she was human then. We got her on it right after she got back, but one of our newbies forgot to give her the shot this morning," She finished with a tired sigh.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

They lay in wait, hiding behind the giant sofa. On the table lay a plate of chocolate flavored cookies that were stuffed with Alice's medication. Much to the annoyance of the other hunters who they kicked out, Mac would not be happy if one of them ate the cookies and was put into a coma.

"Trust me," Hank reassured them. "She won't be able to resist."

" Do you really think giving her sugar is the best idea?" The nurse asked looking over the couch worriedly. " I mean, what if the sugar just counteracts the meds?"

They heard Alice's now trade mark _whoosh _and she popped into sight next to the cookies. "wootcookies!" she cried and in a blink of a eye she shoved at least 5 into her mouth.

Raven started laughing to herself.

"Once she's calm we'll get ready for the next mission - at least we're going somewhere with plumbing this time."

After shoving 4 more cookies into her mouth Alice blinked and her twitchiness stopped.

"Ow my head, I feel like I just crashed." Alice mounded as she sat down on the couch and rubbed her head.

"Where am I?" She asked looking around in confusion.

"Good, you're feeling better. We're at the SSU headquarters," Raven told her. "Once Alex gets here..."

"Already here," Alex announced as she arrived.

"...then we'll go see Mac. It's time to end this Celeste thing for good," Raven finished.

"Where was the vampire when we needed her!" DeVan asked heatedly.

"Take on Alice when she's off her meds?" Alex snorted. "I'd rather deal with a gang of weasels on meth."

"Well when you go on a bloody rampage see if I'll help restrain you," Alice said. She looked down at herself and sighed, she really didn't look good in lime green paper gowns. "Can I meet up with you guys later, I really need to change."

"Sure thing, we've all got to go and get our gear anyway," Raven told her. "Hopefully we'll be allowed guns this time."

Alice looked at Hank, then back at Raven like she just remembered something that made her skin crawl. "Please tell me we're not still going to DC."

"Worse," Raven replied. "We're going to the Smallville TV show. Gary Stu capital of the world."

With a _whoosh _Alice hid behind Hank. "No! You can't make me go to that God forsaken place! I'd rather be in a Twilight novel then step foot into ANY version of the DC universe! LONG LIVE STANLEY LEE!" Alice cried raising her fist into the air.

"I wish we had Deadpool with us," Alex muttered. "He didn't argue as long as he got paid."

" Don't bring Deadpool it this!" Hissed Alice, "even he wouldn't go to DC! Ok, maybe to kill Clark but that's about it."

"Think of it this way," Raven tried to reason with her. "You'll get to kill every "Lana's long lost cousin" and Clark Kent wannabe. As long as they're not cannon or innocent OC's they're fair game."

"Come on Hank your from Marvel, back me up!" Alice pleaded, "And Raven, that's not helping I would want to kill every OC in that place because even if they weren't Mary Sue's they were still dumb enough to chose DC over the All Might Marvel."

"Agent Morgan," Mac intervened. "If you don't' want to go you can stay here and do paper work. And that means monitoring the slash fanfiction, the Twilight division. The Mr. Swan-Billy Black pile is getting a little big."

Alice narrowed her eyes at Mac, "you're the devil."

"So they say," Mac growled through his cigar.

"Can we have guns?" Alex asked. "I want the M16A1 rifle with the grenade launcher."

Alice crossed her arms across her chest and growled right back. "I want a goddamn nuke launcher button, and Dark Side's number."

"I'll let you go into the armory and choose ten things each. I won't even ask what they are. Once you get your stuff together go to the labs for your new powers and identities."

"Only ten?" Alice looked like a child who's parents just told them they could only get one piece of candy.

"Once we are in the lab you will receive special weapons to help combat the Krytonian sues." Mac told Alex completely ignoring Alice's pouting.

"Fine," Alice muttered getting the point she was not going to get her way. "I'll meet you guys in the weapons room, I really do need to change."

Alex and Raven headed for the armory.

Alex chose two handguns with thigh holsters, a belt to hold ammunition and a sniper rifle. She chose a small black leather jacket, she could easily hide something in the pockets. She also chose a few black balls, when thrown onto the floor they would produce a dark smoke, good for a quick getaway.

"No grenade launcher?" Raven asked.

Alex shook her head.

"It just occurred to me that it's not something I'm going to be able to carry around. Someone's bound to start asking questions. A sniper rifle might be easier to hide."

Raven packed a few hunting rifles.

"They won't look suspicious if someone finds us with them, we can just say we're hunters."

Raven then chose several knifes and handed one to Alex.

"Pocket knife push-dagger," the blade of the knives were positioned in the middle of the handle in a T shape. "Easier to grip, the blade folds into the handle like a pocket knife, that'll make them easier to hide."

"Nice thinking Raven, we don't want to attract the wrong kind of attention."

Raven also chose knuckle duster, a brown motorcycle jacket with reinforced elbows and a pair of knives that could be strapped to her forearms and hidden by the sleeves of the jacket.

"I know you like black, Alex. But we're trying to blend in."

Alex chose a few outfits, remembering to choose colors other than black.

Alice walked in like a normal person wearing plan jeans and a black shirt, that read MarvelDC. She had a backpack full of street clothes and a empty red duffle bag.

"Hey guys," She said with fails cheer.

Alice quickly throw 4 different tips of hand guns ranging in size and ammo capacity into her bag, a box of grenades (which she insisted counted as one item), two of her favorite toothed daggers, a submission gun, a sling shot, and a 14.4 Russia that was just about as big as herself. Alice was barely able to zip up the duffel bag and swung the Russia over her shoulder next to her backpack. "Ok, now I'm ready" Alice said with a deadly grin.

"Wow," Raven's mouth fell open. "Now I feel under packed."

"I've got a strangling cord," Alex told her. "And Matilda."

"Alex, it's weird that you named your gun, who does that?"

Alex grinned.

"I named the other one Wade."

"Listen up, Agents," Mac addressed them. "This time I want Celeste dead, we can't afford to keep chasing her forever. Here are your covers," he handed them each and envelope. "Alex, I know how bad you want to stay a vampire. You were bitten by kryptonite infected bat. Now you drain the energy of others to keep yourself alive, an ability that stops you from aging. You also have night vision and super-human speed, strength and jumping. Nowhere near Super-man levels, but slightly superior to humans. You still drink blood. You can also hang upside down when you sleep."

Alice snickered.

"Haha," Alex replied sarcastically.

"Also," Mac continued. "This mission is going to be different in your rank. This time you and Alice will be teenagers,"

"I'm started to contemplate your murder Mac," Alice hissed.

"This will allow you to go to high school and check out the sues there. Raven will be an adult and if anyone asks she's your aunt. Alex, you and Alice are non-identical twin sisters and your parents were killed in a car accident, Raven took you in. You need an adult with you if you want to avoid awkward questions about why you're alone. In a small town like Smallville, people notice more than they would in the big cities."

"Alice is half Asian," Alex felt the need to point out. "How are we going to pass as sisters?"

"You're both half Asian and you take after different parents. Your mother was causation and Raven's sister."

Mac turned to Raven.

"Raven, if anyone asks you're a martial arts instructor and you collect martial arts weapons. When you meet new people, the first thing they always ask is what you do for a living. It goes without saying that this world is going to be crawling with super powered sues so you'll need a power too, Raven."

Raven looked uncomfortable.

"I know because of your history you don't want a strong offensive power because you don't like the temptation to use your powers for bad reasons. That's why your power is an electric force-field power, purely defensive. You were in Smallville and hit by lightening in a spot where meteor rocks were buried. Now that means you and Alex have a weakness for lead because your powers come from the rocks."

Mac turned to Alice. "You have two choices, you can have abilities given to you by meteor rocks like Alex and Raven or you can be a meta-human, The DC word's answer to mutants, purely genetic. Either way, there'll be a slight tweak in your abilities. Normally, you don't run into anything because your mind runs as fast as your body and you need medication to function on the same level as everyone else. This is why you go nuts when you don't take your meds. In the DC world you'll be more like Clark and the Flash, to you it will feel like you're running at normal speed and it's everyone else that has slowed down. This will give you superior reflexes too. You'll certainly be able to dodge any bullets aimed at you."

Alice rolled her eyes and readjusted her straps of her gun.

"I'll be a meta-human I guess," Alice said still fiddling with her strap, "though Mutants are way better," she added bitterly." And by the way for the love of god please make sure they keep my bodies resists to G-Forces! Last time they "tweaked" my ability my insides almost turned to jelly when I tried to run past mark 1... I can still do that as a meta-lame right?"

"There shouldn't be a problem," he reassured her.

"I hate the way he says 'shouldn't'" Raven grumbled.

"Oh yay, I get to be a teenager again," Alex complained. "We'll probably have to be stealthier with our kills, we can't have the cops catching on and we don't want Clark coming to the rescue."

Just like the Hogwarts mission, Alex smiled. All cloak and dagger, what I do best. Well Alice was screwed, she was more of a loud noise and bright lights kinda killer.

Mac threw Alex a duffle bag.

"Some cash and spare clothes."

Mac lead them to the transformation dock. Alex went through the transformation first. When she emerged, she was seventeen, her hair was a darker color, more like Alice's hair. Her eyes were darker, too.

Raven was made older, closer to thirty five. This would help her blend in with the adults of the town. She wore her brown jacket with jeans, a white short and brown practical-looking work boots with steel caps. No one would know about the steel unless she kicked them.

Alice underwent very little transformation, the only changes made were to her powers. She didn't miss that fact that they didn't changed her looks much either. Alice cast a nasty look at Mac before joining the others

After last week's "incident" involving Dexter and Tassie setting all the other pets free they had been confined to cages and just let out for the mission.

Tassie was changed into a mouse. Alex rationalized that this meant she could hide him in a backpack and take him to the high school, a place even a cat like Dexter couldn't go.

Dexter eyed Tassie with hungry cat eyes, his tail twitching from side to side.

Mac handed Alice some knifes.

"They're made out of kryptonite, this way you'll be able to kill the Kryptonian sues. Some of those knives are made out of blue Kryptonite, it won't kill them but I'll strip them of their powers. That's just in case you need to question them. The sheath is lined with lead so you don't have to worry about the meteor rocks affecting you the way they affect everyone who gets too close to them. You also don't have to worry about hurting Clark by accident if you stand a little too near him. And Alice, he had better not get hurt accidently. I know you hate DC but if you kill Superman you will be in ten different kinds of trouble."

Alice just smiled and took the daggers, slipping them into her backpack. " I won't kill him on purpose," she said pointedly.

Mac turned to Alex and Raven. "You get your powers from Kryptonite, so your powers should work on people who are vulnerable to it. But be careful, a lot of the Kryptonian sues are immune to it. I'm not going to lie to you, this mission will be dangerous. You're going to have a lot of Mary sues that will be invulnerable to most weapons. We've tweaked the Kryptonite both in those weapons and in your system so it will hopefully break through the Mary sue's powers and make them as vulnerable as other Kryptonians. But be careful, that's no guarantee."

Mac handed them bullets made from the meteor rocks.

"Be careful with these, we don't have a never ending supply of them. Use ordinary bullets when you can. Be careful with the knives too, stab an ordinary sue with one of those and they'll use it as a reason to become more powerful."

"I can see it now," Alex frowned. "Girl gets stabbed with kryptonite rock and is now immune to getting stabbed."

" Then gets her head blown off by the schools nut job," Alice finished the story with a crazed smirk.

Once again the slayers found themselves standing in front of a glowing blue portal. Raven was surprised to see Hank waiting for them.

"Are you coming with us?"

"Nah, came to see you off. Don't take too long, okay? And don't let the sues get you." She saw the worry in his eyes. Raven hugged him.

"Wow, I finally get that hug, huh?"

"Just in case I don't come back." She remembered what Mac had told her. There was a very real possibility that one of them could die this mission.

"It's that dangerous, huh?"

"As dangerous as it gets. I can see why Alice hates DC so much, even the most powerful Marvel characters like your Dad and Jean Grey have their weaknesses. The DC sues don't have to change much, just take away the vulnerability to kryptonite."

"You're scared, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. These sues are going to be so much tougher. But that's the job, right?"

"Be careful, Raven. Watch yourself. Or I just might get my hands on some adamantium and go Wolverine on their butts."

"Awwww."

"Shut up Alex. Save a beer for me Hank and we'll see how things go. Maybe we can talk more about those extra powers you mentioned." Thankfully that had been a private discussion. Alex hadn't been there and Alice had been too busy freaking out to hear the euphemism. The idea that she might never return made her think about her life, what she wanted and what she couldn't stand to lose. The idea of being with Hank had scared her, but the idea of never seeing him again scared her more.

Hank shot her a grin bigger than the state of Kentucky.

"Really? I'll hold you to it, don't think I'm going to forget."

"I'm warning you now, Hank. I'm a one man woman, I tend to get a little jealous."

Hank laughed.

"Don't worry darlin', I hear you loud and clear."

"Are you coming Raven, or do you guys want to make out some more?"

"Coming Alex," Raven grumbled.

Tassie the mouse was now hiding in Alex's backpack. Dexter trailed after Alex looking at her backpack with hungry eyes. Alice mumbled something about furry traitors and picked Dexter up before he could attack Alex's back.

"I dare Alice to go first," Raven said.

"Oh come on Raven, you can't still be scared of these things," Alex

laughed.

"Then you go first," Raven said stubbornly.

Alice just smirked and cracked her knuckles, " DC you better be

ready because I'm about to rock your world!"

With a battle cry she ran into the portal.


	2. The horror continues

A/N: Welcome to the newest edition of Mary sue slayer. Apollo and I would like to say a big thankyou to all of our readers and you'll be pleased to know that we now have a beta reader

The road was long and dusty with tall trees on either side of the road, only adding to the seclusion. Alex surveyed their environment as Raven pulled out a map.

"Smallville's still a couple of miles, we should start walking."

"Hold on," Alex started going through the duffle bag. She held up a small capsule. "Here it is, instant car. Just add water."

Raven took it from her and spat on it, making Alex raise an eyebrow.

"What? Unless one of you had a water bottle..."

The capsule started to shake and Raven threw it onto the ground. It started to grow and unfold itself until a car stood before them, a black Chevy Impala to be exact.

Alex grinned, "A perfect car for a couple of hunters; what do we think?"

"Kay, you bald bastard! I love you!" Alice shouted to the sky and started doing a happy dance. "It's a 1967 Chevrolet Impala! An Impala! Oh god I've wanted one since I was like, five!" Alice screamed, jumping up and down like a child at Christmas time. She turned to the other two, her smile replaced by a scowl so fast it took the other hunters a second to figure out what was going on. "Ok, new car rules. No eating, no drinking, all bloody weapons go into the trunk, dirty shoes or otherwise go into a bag in the trunk. All pets must be placed in a pet carrier at all times whale in the car, and only I get to drive it. Get it? I've wanted an Impala since I could say it, and none of you are going to ruin it for me." Then just as fast it left, the smile was back and she went back to jumping around like a giddy school girl.

Alex and Raven exchanged looks. They had never seen Alice this happy. Not even the time when Kay announced the lab boys made a bomb powerful enough to take out a city

"Sure, you can drive," Raven said and loaded their bags into the trunk. 

"What about Dexter? Do we have a carrier for him?" She asked after putting the last of the bags into the large trunk.

Alice cast an indifferent look at the orange tabby, "He can walk." Dexter meowed in protest and hissed at Alice.

"He's getting kinda fat anyway," Alice commented and waved her hand.

"Smallville is miles away. We're not making him walk," Raven insisted. "I can hold him if you're worried about getting cat hair on the seats."

"Sweet, leather interior!" Alex was leaning into the car.

Raven rolled her eyes.

"Shot gun!" Alex called.

"No, I ride shot gun," Raven insisted. "I'm supposed to be your aunt, remember? It's going to look a little weird if you're both sitting up front."

"Fine," Alex sulked.

"I want to have this car's babies." Alice sighed as she took into the window.

Raven and Alex looked at each other. The mental picture spoke for itself. Raven got into the passenger seat as Alex grumpily sat in the back.

Alice opened the door and slid into the drivers seat. She smiled devilishly as she turned the keys which were already in the ignition. The engine purred to life like some kind of large best. Alice's smile grew as she revved the engine, making it roar.

"I'm going to enjoy this," Alice almost whimpered as she put the car into drive.

Raven passed Dexter to Alex, who had the backpack on the seat next to her.

"At least this one has a modern stereo installed. I wasn't exactly looking forward to hearing Alex sing 'three hundred bottles of beer on the walls.'"

"Hey, it was one time!" Alex protested.

"Driver gets to choose the station!" Alice chuckled evilly.

"Choose away, dear!" Alex told her cheerfully. Knowing Alice, they were probably in for a couple of hours of Rob Zombie. Raven buckled up her seatbelt. She had a feeling she would need it.

Alice flipped through the station and stopped, to the shock of both the other hunters, on a classical music station. Then she gunned it, going from 0 to 60 in about ten seconds. Dexter dug his claws into Alex in fear for his life.

"HOLY CRAP!" Alex screamed from the back seat. She grabbed onto her backpack and there was a muffled squeak from Tassie the mouse.

"Like you didn't do this when you got your hands on a motorbike in the Marvel world..." Raven complained. "Remember to slow down when we get closer to town. We don't want to hit anyone."

"Unless it's a Sue," Alice pointed out as she took a corner so sharply Alice was thrown into the door. "But I wouldn't want to hurt this baby trying to take out a Sue."

"That's the thing guys," Alex struggled with her seatbelt. "No public murders. We don't want the police or Clark trying to intervene."

"Aw, thats no fun!" Alice sighed as she pressed down harder on the gas pedal. The speedometer almost read 80.

"Maybe for you," Alex sighed. "Killing people and getting away with it is kinda my specialty. I was slaughtering innocent people before you two were even born."

"As long as you don't re-enact the happy blood dance you and Deadpool invented," Raven complained.

"Nice," Alice smiled to herself.

"Aw, you're no fun," Alex complained. "By the way, if we ever go back there, Alice is coming with us. You two would have a blast."

"Yes!" Alice cheered happily.

"Which is why Mac would probably forbid it," Raven told her. "Just in the interest of public safety."

"Stupid old fart," Alice mumbled heatedly.

"Hey Alice, how about some Alice Cooper?" Alex suggested from the backseat. "Or Metallica."

"That would be cool, but my old mentor Sandy, taught me to never blare any kind of music that can put you into some kind of Sue cliché." Alice said, "It makes you an easier target for free lancers. Headphones are great, but never sing aloud. Hell, she said I can dance butt naked in my room to "I'm walking on sunshine" if I wanted to, but never ever play any kind of popular music where others can hear it. I still think she's jumpy from being in Rob Zombie's films, but still can't take any risk."

"You're right," Raven nodded. "Sues don't listen to classical music. There was a girl in my dorm who thought Mozart was a kind of cheesy."

"And that's why I'm playing it." Alice rolled her eyes then took a turn so sharply they almost hit a tree. "But like I said, Sandy was in horror movies for a long time. Anything that can put you in a cliché is dangerous there."

"Speaking of horror movies: Alex, did you tell Celeste that you fought Jason Vorhees?" Raven asked.

"It was a mission I had before I was sent to Middle Earth," Alex explained. "I thought it was impossible for Sues to get into horror movies, but I was wrong. You'd be surprised how many fan girls Jason has. All of them decided he was really handsome under the mask. I killed half of them and once Jason was himself again he killed the rest. Then he came after me with a flaming machete because you know how he gets if anyone goes near Crystal lake. Ungrateful bastard."

"Flaming machete?" Raven asked.

"Where can I get one of those?" Alice pitched in.

Alex shrugged. "I tried to set him on fire. Long story."

After the last turn the road continued on for miles unchanging, where they could see miles and miles ahead. A few blocks away they saw a flash of light and a willowy girl with silvery hair come out of it.

"Well lookie here," Alice said with a smirk. She pressed harder on the accelerator and the needle jumped to 99. Alice moved the Impala dangerously close to the edge of the road where the Sue was still looking around dazedly. Dexter let out a meow of panic and dug his claws deeper into Alex's arm.

"I always wanted to try this," Alice almost whispered. "Raven, be a dear and take the wheel, would you?"

Before waiting for her reply Alice let go of the steering wheel and open the driver's side door. The Sue looked up just in time to see the shiny black door collide with her willowy body. With a sickly crack the Sue was thrown into the opposite direction and flew head first into an oak tree.

"HAHA! SIX POINTS!" Alex screamed when Alice closed the door and took the wheel back. "Man, I would love to just drive down Main Street shooting heads with a rifle like a zombie movie. But something tells me we'd get into trouble for that."

"I thought you said you were stealthy?" Raven asked.

Alex shrugged, "There's a time and place for everything."

"Whatever," Raven rolled her eyes. "Are we there yet?"

"Oh, not again," Alice mumbled as the passed a sign that said "Smallville 80 miles."

There rest of the trip was like any other car trip - long and boring. Alex tried singing "one hundred bottles of beer on the wall" and Raven threatened to beat her to death after the second verse.

Then at last they saw the familiar sign, _"Welcome to Smallville, meteor capital of the world!"_

"Finally," Raven muttered.

Alice finally slowed down, though the temptation of running over someone was very strong.

"First thing's first: we find a place to stay," Alex suggested. "We can't exactly live out of the car, and the show never really mentioned any local hotels."

"There probably is one. We just need to ask around," Raven suggested.

"Damn, I was hoping for a house with my own room," Alice mumbled as she pulled into a gas station.

"Maybe the SSU should get onto that," Raven suggested. "A house in each universe to act as a base, especially in worlds like this where everything is centered around one town. Given it's called the Meteor Capital of the World, maybe they get a bit of tourism. If so, there should be a hotel or at least an information center."

"It's a small town, who knows," Alex suggested. "I'll go inside and see if I can get my hands on a newspaper."

Raven handed Alex some money and she darted inside, returning with a newspaper.

"See, what did I tell you?" Alex pointed to an advert.

"Wait, what?" Raven grabbed the paper. "FAULTY TOWERS? What in the fresh hell is this?"

"Hopefully it's just a name," Alex suggested.

"It'd better be," Raven grumbled. "If I go in there and see John Cleese yelling at a Spanish waiter I'll scream. Either it's some second grade writer's idea of a bad joke, or someone thought it would be funny to try and get sued by the BBC."

Alice raised an eyebrow, "The what now?"

"Faulty Towers was a British comedy show," Raven explained. "It was about a guy running a hotel of the same name. So what do you think, should we check it out?"

"I don't see why not," Alice said as she refueled the Impala.

At first glance the building looked perfectly normal, nor was it located in Torque. They saw a family talking to a guy who appeared to be the landlord. The mother had _"shining blonde hair like sunrays made of silk," _and her husband was _"handsome like a long lost prince." _Their two teenage kids were clones of their parents. The teenager girl was _"full of hope and joy like an angelic princess of the clouds," _and her brother _"had a soul that yearned for true love, but wouldn't do it before marriage because that's just icky."_

"We're looking for a place to stay, can you help us?" the woman asked, _"sighing as she thought of her distance home."_

"Yeah, sure," the landlord said in a robotic voice. "Here's the paperwork. Sign it, and it's yours."

Alice's eyes widened as she saw the scene unfold. "Whoa, is that really a whole Sue family! I've only heard of these in class!"

"If we can finish them and take the paper work, the place is ours," Alex whispered, fiddling with the knife in her pocket. "Look at the landlord. He won't remember a thing."

"Raven, do you have the scanner?" Alice asked as she sifted through her red duffle bag she got out of the trunk.

"Right here," Raven pointed her scanner discreetly. "The Sunstar family. The mother is a mother figure-sue; she's an honest to god angel here on a mission from God. The father is a human, the daughter is an angel like her mother, and their son has the power to make people happy by hugging them."

"Wow, if that's what he can do with a hug, imagine what it'd be like to do him," Alex smirked.

Alice's head titled to the right and her eyes drifted to the sky, her head obviously going to a very bad dirty place.

Raven shook her head, "It's obvious their writer is extremely religious and no older than twelve. Holding hands and kissing is as far as he's ever going to go."

Alice snapped out of her train of thought and smirked and pulled out a Taurus 809 and silencer. "Too easy. Alex, cover me," she said as she pushed a clip into place.

Alex smiled back pulling out her own gun, "Sure thing."

Raven started talking to the landlord while Alex went upstairs with Alice. He was still looking pretty dazed but he understood that she was looking to move in.

"Hm, we'll have to see what's free..."

The two hunters hurried down the wall, dodging normal families and a Super. When the coast was clear, they darted down the hall, moving quietly and holding their guns at the ready.

"Here," Alice pointed to the last door on the left with a sign on it that read in glittery words "_Home sweet Home."_

Alex held up her gun, the one christened "Wade".

"I say we take them by surprise. It's the only advantage we have. The scanner said they're more like peaceful angels than warriors, but we can't be too careful."

Tassie turned back into a wolverine and sniffed around the door.

Alice nodded and kicked in the door. She got the daughter before any of them knew what was going on. The son screamed and threw his arms up into the air. Whether it was to attack or defend himself they never did find out, because Alice lodged a bullet right between his "_sparkling blue eyes."_ Alex shot the mother right between the eyes. She didn't want to give the angel time to heal or resurrect anyone. The father backed away slowly and Alex jumped on him, breaking his neck.

"What the hell? My gun's busted all ready?" Alice cried.

"Want one of mine?" Alex offered. "I guess that's what happens when you try killing an angel. I'll go get Raven. Since she's supposed to be our Aunt, she'll fill out whatever paperwork these guys were about to sign. We don't need legal hassles on top of everything else."

"Whatever," Alice replied, though she was distracted with disassembling the gun to find out what was wrong.

Tassie nibbled on the older Stu's flesh.

"Careful Tass. You remember what happened last time. Besides, time to go mouse again."

Tassie growled.

"I mean it Tass. What do you think we should do with the bodies?"

At that moment, the bodies of the two Angel-Sues dissolved into light and shone out the window while sad harp music played.

"Well, you don't see that every day, do you?" Alice said, finally looking up from her gun.

"Where the hell is that music coming from?" Alex muttered. "Well we still have the Stus to worry about."

"I say we drag them into a another room and make it look like a murder or a suicide," Alice suggested.

Alex nodded in agreement. "Besides, no one really notices or cares when Sues die anyway. I doubt this building is even a part of canon. They'll rot before anyone notices." The older hunter took a closer look at the two Stus. "Is it just me, or did these guys not bleed?" Alex asked, sounding disappointed. "I guess the writers get that from movies. Since people in movies don't bleed much some people forget how much you really bleed when you get shot. Pity, it really takes all the fun out of it."

"And let's not forget they usually empty their bowels too," Alice added.

Alex almost shuddered as she picked up the father Stu and hoisted him over her shoulder. Super human strength certainly had its advantages,

Alice looked at the son, then back at Alex. "I'll let you handle the clean up."

Alex dragged the bodies into the next room, bumping into Raven in the hall.

"How did it go?" Raven asked.

"They didn't even bleed," Alex whined.

"Well at least we can move in now," Raven shrugged.

"Do we have to stay in the Sue family's apartment?" Alex whined. "I don't want to catch their germs."

"Don't be a girl, Alex," Raven told her.

She went to their new apartment and signed the paperwork.

"At least there aren't any nasty bloodstains to clean up. That would have been a bitch."

"Why would we clean them up?" Alice asked confusedly.

"If someone came in a found the bloodstains in the carpet that'd lead to some very uncomfortable questions," Raven replied.

"I'd blame it on the cat," Alice shrugged as she sat down and went back to her broken gun, not caring to much about staying in a Sue apartment.

"True, that landlord was pretty dazed. I neuralized him; he won't remember the sue family coming in at all. I also had to zap all the people in the hall who saw you two rushing in here _armed_." Raven finished the paperwork and took it downstairs.

"I guess this place isn't too bad," Alex looked around. "After all, I drank Stu blood. I can stand staying here for a few days."

Alex looked into one of the bedrooms and gagged. "Argh, pink. Pink and fluffy. Why couldn't this have been an emo family? At least everything would have been black. And how in holy hell did they change the decor so quickly? They only just arrived."

With a woosh Alice ran into the boy's room, which wasn't covered in fluffy pink stuff but had plain white walls, wooden floors, and a oak dresser and bed. Obviously the writer had been a girl and didn't know what a boy's room looked like. Needless to say it was better than the girl's or the parents' room.

"I call this room!" Alice declared.

"Damn, looks like I have the pink one," Alex scowled.

"All settled. I called the school, too. Turns out with so many new students coming in all you have to do is turn up." Raven said as she came back into the room.

"That's stupid," Alex remarked.

"Well that's a Sue for you," Raven replied.

"I was thinking, the school is small, right? If there are so many new students, how will they fit them all?" Alice added, giving up on finding out what was wrong with her gun.

"They'll probably just make the school bigger," Alex shrugged. "It's what they did at Hogwarts, and the Sues at Xavier's school for the gifted were infamous for it. Hell, when they made a movie about it, the script writers were criticized for the same thing."

"Now that I think about it, there was a whole new wing added over night," Alice said, running her fingers through her hair. "It was the Moon Princess Wing."

"Okay girls, might as well get settled for the night," Raven tried to practice her role as a parental figure. She'd need all the practice she could get to make it believable. "Who wants pizza for dinner?"

"First off, if you ever try to parent me, I'll be forced to do something that might be permanent to your face," Alice said her eyes hardening, "Secondly, I want pineapple pizza."

There was something wrong with her teammates, and it was Raven's mission to figure out what that was. "Point taken," she told her. Besides, there was a chance that Alice might actually be older than her. She couldn't remember how old she was exactly. It was weird. Technically, she was the youngest person on the team, but there were times when she felt like she was most mature, not to mention the most stable. "What about you, Alex?"

"Pepperoni! And a hot delivery guy!"

Raven rolled her eyes and ordered the pizza.

"Two hot guys, please. I don't share well," Alice added with a chuckle.

"Hmm, personally I don't mind sharing. This one time at my school I-" Alex grinned and Raven cut her off.

"Alex, now is not story time," Raven was still traumatized from the last time Alex had felt the need to share information. "I don't want to hear about your extensive sexual history."

"Virgin," Alex sneered. "Raven, you're just weird."

"No, what's weird is the fact I have to pretend to be the legal guardian of two people who are older than me."

"Oh, I thought you were older than me." Alice sounded truly surprised.

"I was seventeen when I first became a Sue. I was in training for six months. I've lost track of time, but I might be somewhere between nineteen and twenty now. Thanks to her vampirism, Alex normally looks twenty five but she's technically closer to forty."

Five minutes later there was a knock on the door.

"Wow that was fast, " Raven commented, her head jerked towards the door.

"I'll get that," Alex grinned. Tragically, the pizza boy looked less like the hunk they were hoping for, and more like the squeaky voiced teen from The Simpsons. He had frizzy brown hair, braces, and bad acne.

"Hi! I'm Brad!" he announced in a cheerful, squeaky voice.

"Damnit, I want a refund!" Alice cried from the background.

"Hell-o," Alex purred seductively, distracting Brad from Alice. Raven wondered what the hell she was doing until she saw the hungry look in Alex's eyes. She was hungry for the pizza boy, and not in a "stuck in a bad porn movie" kind of way.

"Here's your pizza!" he said in a chirpy voice. Raven knew what Alex was thinking; she thought he was adorable.

Raven took the boxes and put them on the dining table. Right away Alice looked through the boxes for her pizza and started to chow down. She paid no attention to what was going on, she was too hungry to care.

"So, would you like to join us?" Alex asked innocently. "I can show you around."

"Gosh I'd love to but I should get to moving," he replied reluctantly.

"Come on, just a little while?" Alex begged sweetly.

"Alex..." Raven said warningly.

"Aw, come on, Auntie. He can stay for a little while, can't he?"

"Yeah, don't be a prude Aunt R," Alice mumbled through a mouthful of pizza.

_Oh well, she's better off feeding here than grabbing someone off the street. My so called "niece" is a vampire and that's something I've got to get used to._

"Okay, but no funny stuff," she pressed her thumb to her finger in a "neuralize him after" gesture.

Raven knew full well that Alex liked to play with her food.

"Come in," Alex asked sweetly, grabbing his hand.

"Ah, okay..." She could tell from the look on his face that he couldn't believe his luck. He probably wasn't the kind of guy that got heaps of attention from girls.

"Bow chicka bow wow!" Alice cried, getting two more slices of pizza. Alex giggled as she led Brad into her room. Soon after, they heard some crashing and loud screaming noises.

"She's trying to bite him and he's putting up a fight," Raven stated matter-of-factly as she took a bite out of the pizza. "And I don't want to hear any different." She knew what Hank would say.

_"Aw, come on darlin', don't be a prude, let the vampire have her fun," _he would chuckle and his eyes would light up the way they did when he started to think dark, dirty thoughts. Raven blushed as she wondered if any of those thoughts were ever aimed at _her._ She wished he had come along for the mission.

"Alex is getting her freak on! Alex is getting her freak on!" Alice chimed in, in a sing song voice.

A few minutes later, Alex re-emerged with a very dazed looking pizza-boy. Raven noticed he had a small bruise on his neck and she hoped to god it was just a bite mark and not a hickey.

"Did you... take care of him?" Raven asked, tapping her neuralizer.

"Don't worry, he's okay," Alex smiled and pushed him out the door.

"You delivered the pizza and then you left, that's all," she told him and shut the door in his face.

Alice chuckled and started on her fifth slice of pizza. "I love this family."

"Shame on you Alex, you're old enough to be his mother. Besides, his voice was hardly broken."

"What Brad doesn't know, won't hurt him," Alex replied cheerfully and she took a place at the table.

Raven rolled her eyes and changed the subject, "Alex, remember you sleep upside down now," she reminded her with a smirk. "Maybe your cupboard has something you can hang from."

Alice started laughing so hard she inhaled her food. She gagged and started to cough, gripping her throat. She gave herself the Heimlich and coughed it up. "Thanks a lot, guys!"

"Screw you, Raven, " Alex replied as she took some pizza. "Damn it Mac owes me."

"Screw that! That bald bastard owns me BIG time for making me come to this hell hole!" The small hunter huffed angrily.

"I'll tell you what, Alice: if we have to spend more than a week here, we can go into a suicide/murder pact," Alex offered.

"Not my style, let's just go on a murderous rage." Alice smiled.

"Deal," Alex replied. "Now if you two ladies will excuse me, I'm off to retire to my cupboard. A good... _feed_," she looked at Raven and smirked, "always makes me a little sleepy."

Alice snorted into her glass as Alex went into her room.

"So we all know the plan?" Raven asked. "You two check out the high school and do what you do best while I mix with the adults and see what I can find, you okay with that?"

"Not at all, but I'll do it under the threat of being made to read Twilight stuff."

Raven smiled.

"Fair enough. I just wish I could be there when you kill your first Sue."

She wished she could be there when Alice finally unleashed all of that anger. Like Alice herself, the results would be both explosive and terrifying.


	3. Sue vs Sue

"Have a nice day at school, girls!" Rave yelled out of the car window before driving away as quickly as possible. She knew Alice would do something nasty to her if she ever tried to parent her again, but she couldn't resist. Besides, it was all part of the cover.  
"Nice day my ass," Alex muttered, eyeing the teenagers around her. Mac always tried to ensure that sunlight couldn't kill her, otherwise any sue could kill her with a UV lamp, but he always insisted on giving her some kind of weakness to it. Hence why it always hurt like a bitch, like having a migraine and hangover at the same time, plus a lot of her neat-o vampire powers wouldn't work in daylight hours.

Alice was all ready contemplating the things she would do to Raven that night as they walked into the school. Her backpack wasn't filled with school work, she didnt even have paper in it, all she had was guns, a few grenade, and her special knife.

Alex's eyes flickered over to a large group of blondes.  
"Omg, is he here yet?"  
"Omgomgomg!"  
"He's so hot, I think I'm going to pass out!"  
"No I'm going to pass out first!"  
"No _I_ am!"

Alex's eye twitched.  
"Poor Clark, they'll mug him before he even gets to class."

Alice sighed and rolled her eyes.

" Look! there he gose into that room!" she yelled as she pointed to the janitor closet.

This announcement was followed by a loud scream as fifty two blondes tried to squeeze into the cupboard all at once.

"Morning class...blah blah blah testtubes blah blah," their chemestry teacher droned.  
Alex almost face-palmed, this is what happened when fanfic authors tried to write something they knew nothing about.  
"Blah blah blah partner blah blah..."  
Alex stepped close to Alice but the teacher quickly separated them. Alex was paired with a girl by the name of Mary Lu Sunshine a "mystical fairy princess from a far away world." Alice was paired with a girl with "shiny gold hair like the sun" and a skimpy blue skirt, red thigh-high boots and a VERY tight blue tank top with a white star.  
"I'm Hannah Righteous!" she stuck out her hand for Alice to shake

Alice glared at her hand hatefully then looked at the girl with deadly eyes.

" Get your hand away from me or I'll break it off. You come withen 5 feet of me and I'll mess up your face."

"Okay!" she chirped. "Omg, have you seen my superduper tiara?" she touched the metal band in her hair. It was painted with red and blue stripes with a white star in the centre "It's made of vibranium and adamanthium!"  
"Oh wow, you pronounced it right, good on you," Alex commented sarcastically.  
"Aha! I practised saying it all night! My daddy gave it to me!"  
Then her words sank in. Weren't those metals from the marvel world? Alex shrugged, Alice would figure it out. Her own sue was busy pouring random chemicals into their test tube.  
"Here, try this," she grinned. "It will...strengthen the mixture."  
Alex tried not to laugh, she loved how stupid the sues were, especially when it came to science.

Alice eyes flashed dangerously, her shoulders tensed and her hands clenched.

"Who is your father?"

"Captain America, duh!"  
Alex giggled. She had the feeling the sue had just pushed Alice's nuke button, she sincerely hoped Alice would kill her using one of the many beakers of acidic chemicals lying around.

Alice hand twitched as a vain bulged out on her forehead, it was a good thing that the two girls from the next table over where giggling loudly. It was just enough to remind her that they were in a class full of witnesses.

What happen next was so fast Alex wasn't even sure what happen, one second the sue was chattering on about how she was just like dear old daddy the next she was on the floor, her hands covering her blood socked face. Large pieces of glass from a beaker covered her face.

" Oh no! teacher my partner is hurt can I take her to the nurse?" Alice sounded worried, she even put on a convincing face. Only someone who knew her could see the insane glint in her dark eyes that spoke of her true intentions.

Meanwhile, Alex's test tube started to boil over. Alex ducked as it exploded, the chemicals splashing all over her partner's face.  
"OH NO MY FAACCCE!" the girl screamed and her face started to melt.  
"Me too!" Alex announced.  
The teacher sighed.  
"Yes, the four of you are excused."

" Thank you," Alice said as she yanked her partner up, and dragged her out of the room. Holding onto her arm so tightly it was cutting off her circulation

"I'll get that," Alex hoisted her sue over her shoulder and grabbed Alice's. Thankfully, the hallway was deserted. The sight of a teenage girl carrying two other girls her own size would have been strange to say the least.

" Show off," Alice mumbled.

The two sues where fair to busy screaming about their faces to even care that they were being carried off in the opposite direction of the nurses offices.

Alex took them to the girls' bathroom and dumped them on the floor. She drew her knife and started stabbing her sue in the heart.

Alice took more time with hers, what could she saw. She loved playing with her food.

" Tell me you stupid-" Alice couldn't finish the insult, there seen to be no right word to describe this trash that lay before her. " Why, in your empty little head... would you think its ok to up Caption America in the DC world!"

"He had an affair with wonder woman and fell pregnant," the sue sniffed.  
"Wait," Alex held up a blood stained hand. "Who fell pregnant? Cap or wonder bra?"  
"Captain America was with child and when he gave birth he gave me to wonder woman to raise..."  
"But wonder woman isn't in Smallville," Alex narrowed her eyes.  
_Alex, you're arguing canon logic with a sue,_ Raven would have told her. _It's like trying to talk sense into Deadpool._  
"But then I was found by some kindly farmers who raised me in smallville!"

Alice lunged at her screaming in rage, she tighten her hands around her slender neck and started bashing her head into the floor. Oh not enough to kill her, not yet anyway. She pulled out a pocket knife and stabled her right in her liver making sure to twist it good before ripping it out.

Now covered in blood, Alex eyed what remained of Alice's prey.  
"Damn, you really know how to finish 'em."

"Oh I'm not done yet," Alice hissed looking down at the bleeding sue like a large cat looks at its prey. " I'm gonna cut out her pretty little eyes"

Kneeling over the sue she took her knife and carved it into her eye socket, twisting it and digging deeper before prying it out with a wet pop.

Alex breathed in the wet smell of the blood as she watched Alice work. She had missed this, back when she was married to a serial killer, Dmitri they would indulge in the victims and make them suffer. Working with Raven had its merits, but she too often favourite a quick bash over the head.

After talking care of the other eye Alice gave her a good kick in the head before she was done. Breathing hard she looked around at the bloody mess they made.

"Shit, we made a hug mess."

"Blood's easy enough to deal with, all we need is soap and water," Alex told her quietly. Bathrooms had a nasty echo and she didn't want anyone outside getting suspicious. "It's the...bits we need to deal with."

"Well, we can flush them," Alice said passively.

Just then the class bell rang, releasing hundreds of students into the halls.

Alex looked around and saw the bathroom's tiny window.  
"How about the window? We can dump the body parts out there, clean up the blood and climb out after them. Once we're out, we can bury them."

Alice nodded, ready to do anything to get rid of them fast.

At that moment, the door wiggled and they heard frustrated voices of girls trying to get in.  
"Damn," Alex swore.  
Alice looked around, there was no way they could clean this up in time.

" Alex lets bail," Alice whispered jerking her thumb trod the small window.

Alex nodded and hoisted herself out of the window, landing on the ground with a thud. She thought about offering Alice a leg up, but she knew that the angry little mutant would probably punch her if she did.

Alice pulled herself onto the window leg and wiggled throw the window just as the door open and the screams filled the hall.

" Do you think school will be cancelled?" Alice said hopefully as they quickly walked away from the window.

"Any normal school would," Alex replied thoughtfully. "But with all the sue energy around here messing things up, who knows?"  
It was then they heard a scream of horror coming from the bathroom.  
"Whoops, there's our cue to get out of here."

"Won't there be an investigation? Anything?" Alice sounded oddly disappointed at the idea of them getting away with this scot free.

"Oh trust me, there'll be an investigation. Super Boy Clark Kent and his nosy reporter friend Cloe will make sure of that. We'll have to be extra careful. The key is act as normal as possible, they'll be watching for anything suspicious."

" Kinda like that?" Alice asked pointing toward the parking lot where a white winged horse stood attached to a glinting pink chariot.

"Touche," Alex twitched. It was awful watching canon being raped like this. "I'm sure we'll have no trouble blending in. Be warned, at some point we may need to befriend one of them to get them alone."  
"OMG!" came a high shrill scream. "MARY LU AND HANNAH! OMG WHAT AN UGLY GROSS WAY TO DIE!"

" Who? A empty headed annoying Mary Sue, or a empty headed annoying DC character?"

"Passing as a sue is no fun, but it's funny how easily they fall for it."  
They heard many high pitched squeals.  
"Speak of the devil, I bet Clark's just flipped his hair, or..I dunno, remembered how to breathe or something. Its weird what these girls get excited over."

The bell rang signalling for the next class.

"The hell...?" Alice shock her head. " They find two dead chicks and class is still going?"

"Ten bucks says the next class is going to be all about Clark taking his shirt off."

As it turns out, Alex was right. Well, almost. They had PE next and they quickly found themselves confronted with a whole class of mary sues. Alex saw Chloe out of the corner of her eye looking a little scared.  
"Hasn't anyone else noticed?"  
"Come on Chloe, I'm sure you're just being paranoid," Clark reassured her, oblivious to all the sue who were fluttering their eyelashes in his direction.  
"Really? No one else thinks it's a little bit weird that the school is suddenly swarming with the barbie brigade? Then two girls are found dead in a bathroom and no one seems to care?"  
"Hello, Canon Chloe, twelve a clock," Alex muttered to Alice. "She seems pretty alert."

Alice glared at her, a bright red rubber ball in her hands. " I see her," Alice chuckled.

Taking aim she plugged Chloe right in the face, maybe throwing it a bit faster then she should have.

"Chloe!" Clark helped her to her feet.  
"I'm fine Clark."  
"Sorry!" Alex called. She wished Alice would control herself a bit better, but she knew better than to expect that.  
"I said move it shorty!" A sue yelled. She had "golden hair like a goddess of the sun," and "tanned skin like a wonderful glorious child of the divine."  
"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!" the other sue yelled. She looked to be about two inches shy of five feet tall with "shining gold hair like silk" and sporting a pair of colourful butterfly wings.  
_Wow, _Alex thought. _Someone shorter than Alice for a change._

"You _are_ short, Katie. Deal with it!"  
"DEAL WITH THIS, BUBBLEBRAIN!" Katie screamed, jumping on the taller girl.  
"IT'S BUBBLEHEART!" the sue protest as Katie start beating her to a bloody pulp. "It's Belinda Bubbleheart!"  
"I DON"T GIVE A RIPE SHIT, BITCH-TITS! NOW HURRY UP AND DIE!" She screamed, pulling on Belinda's hair.  
"GET OFF ME YOU FREAKY LITTLE MIDGET!"  
"GIRL FIGHT!" a random idiot screamed. Alex did a double take and realised it was Pete, Clark's good friend, who weirdly enough, was never targeted by sues and was usually left out of most fanfictions.

Alice started to shack next to Alex, her grey eyes so wide they looked almost ready to pop out of their sockets. Her fingers dug into her arm making her bleed, her breath coming out ragged and short.

" STOP IT!" Alice scream filled the room, echoing off its bear walls.

Alex stopped laughing when she saw how distressed Alice was. She grabbed Katie, pulling her off Belinda.  
"Unhand me! She deserves a sock in the mouth!"  
"No doubt," Alex whispered in a soothing voice. "But not in front of the class, okay?"  
Katie's "moss green eyes" widened and she nodded.  
"I'll sick the butterflies on her," she stated as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

Looking back she saw Alice in the corner drawn up in the foetal position. When Alex got closer she heard what Alice was mumbling.

" I-I cant have anything in common with a sue... no...no I can't!" Alice babbled digging her nail into her arm again. " I must... I can't be like a Sue! o-ok, I know what I'll do! I-I'll be nice from now on! yes that's it! hahahahah! I-I'll be a good girl..."

"If you want to be nice, you can apologise for Chloe for hitting her with the ball," Alex told her mildly. "Don't worry, Alice. Maybe it's a sue we can cure. I think we just saw something could possibly develop into a flaw."

" A-appologise...?" Alice sniffed, looking up at Alex.

"Yes, that's what nice people do when they accidently hit someone with a dodge ball."

Alice sighed, " Do nice people say sorry?"

"Yes," Alex tried not to smirk. "Nice people say sorry. If the sues get too much we can always hang around the canons."

Alice didn't get up right away, still suckling in the coroner she nodded her head. " Alex?"

"Yes, Alice?"

" How do you apologise?"

"You go to the person you hurt and say you're sorry and what you're sorry for. In this instance, you will go to Chloe and say you're sorry for hitting her with the ball."

Alice nods and gets up, making her way throw the crowed gym to where Chloe and Clark where standing.

" Excuse me?"

"Yes?"Chloe replied, confused.

" I-" Alice started but her face started to twitch funnily as she looked at Chloe. She took a deep breath then kicked her hard in the shine.

Chloe rubbed her shins, looking annoyed and confused

"Hey, what the heck is your problem?" Clark confronted Alice.

"Go suck on a disco stick pretty boy before I END you!" Alice snarled.

Alex stifled a laugh, Alice was over her "nice" phase, no doubt about it.  
Clark blinked and took a step back.  
"It's okay, Clark," Chloe reassured him. "She's obviously got problems."

" I have problems! Bitch, yours are just about to start!"

Alex put a hand on her shoulder.  
"Come on Alice, no starting fights with the canons. We don't want to upset Mac, remember?"

Alice shrugged her hand off and walked away gritting her teeth.

Alex used to think Raven was a bit of a kill joy, now she missed having her strong, steady presence.  
Alex approached Alice.  
"Come on Alice," she whispered. " I know this is a hard assignment, but we can't go around picking on the canons, Chloe's a smart cookie, the writers designed her to notice weird stuff and solve mysteries. It's only a matter of time before she realises we're responsible for the mess in the bathroom. It's not their fault they're DC."

" Whatever," Alice sighed as she lend against the wall. " All I can promise is not to kill them... horribly."

Alex shrugged.  
"Good enough. Hell, I'd probably feel the same way if someone sent me to the Twilight universe."

" That's right, Twilight is to real vampires as DC is to real heros," Alice said.

"Yeah, Twilight sucks!" Katie cheered.  
Alex fought the urge to roll her eyes. She needed to give Katie something to do before Alice killed her.  
"Katie, can you do something for me?"  
"Anything!" Katie cheered.  
"Can you write us a list of all the sues around here?"  
_That should keep her busy.__  
_"Aye aye captain!" Katie saluted.  
That was weird. Most sues mocked them or ran away screaming, she wasn't used to sues throwing her their allegiance.

" She's next," Alice said watching her leave.

"Not until she gives us the list, if she's on our side she could easily save us months of searching. Besides, she's a little crazy, that could easily become a flaw. Maybe we can fix her."

" I guess," Alice huffed crossing her arms, " but I still think we should kill her,"

"We'll wait until she's no longer useful, no point killing someone who can help us."


	4. High School Musical Horror

Authors Note: Sorry it took so long!

If there was one good thing about schools that were taken over by sues, it was what happened to school lunch. As Alex and Alice followed the flow of teens to the lunch room, the smell of slow roasted turkey drifted down the hall."Man, not even SSU food smelled that good," Alice said as her stomach gave a sharp rumble. Hey, going into psychotic rages made a person hungry.

"Hmm, yes solid food is one of the few things I miss about being human. Luckily there are some worlds where vamps CAN eat solid food."

"I like donuts!' Katie injected, following Alice like faithful dog. Alex wondered how long it would take her to snap. Katie seemed to idolise Alice and Alex didn't think she'd appreciate having a sue fan.

"You do know donuts are made from the bones of baby cows like jell-o, right?" Alice asked coolly.

Katie's eyes widened, "wow, really? Do you think if I get enough of them I could build my own cow? Then blow it up? That would be awesome, milk and guts everywhere..." Katie stared off into the distance while Alex stifled laughter.

Out of the corner of Alex's eye she saw Alice draw out a small dagger, murder in her eyes.

Alex put a hand on her shoulder, "she's an idiot," Alex admitted while Katie was distracted by a shiny paper clip. "But at least she's weird enough. She's probably close to being cured. She's like you in sue form. I say we bring her along to a kill, she might enjoy it. It might be the final push she needs to be cured of her suedom."

Alice ripped her arm out of Alex's grip and glared at her.

"Sure, and hey while we're at it lets go visit your sue double Bella Swan!" Right after that left her mouth she felt bad, kinda.

Alex tried not to lose it, she knew telling Alice she had a sue double would hit a sore spot, especially after what happened in PE.

"If I were Bella, I wouldn't have walked straight into James's trap. At least not without armed to the teeth with flamethrowers and acid."

Alex smiled as she imagined the climactic Twilight scene if Bella had been equipped thus.

Just as they entered the cafeteria Alice stopped in her tracks. "What...The...Fuck..."

What lay before then could only be described as a mix between High School Musical and the biggest high school cliquish ever known to man... besides High School Musical.

They place was broken up into clicks, the Goth sues, Prep sues, Jock stus, Cheerleader sues, ect. It was almost painful the way it all seen to fit into a generic high school movie. Oh, and let's not forget the walls where colored a glittery pink and there was a freaking BAR at the fair side of the room. Though Alice wasn't complaing about that.

Something in particular caught Alex's eye, something that made the normally cool and collected vampire grit her teeth with rage, a hiss erupted from between her teeth.

On the table near the bar a "_super cool assassin of the night_" was dancing, she wore "_sexy tight leather pants_" and "_a corset that accentuated her full breasts_" her "_midnight hair shone like silk_". She looked like a cooler, prettier version of Alex.

The nasty creature then strolled over to a random pole and started poll dancing while everyone broke out into a chorus of "She's so fine."

"Alice," she hissed, balling her fists. "I think we found our next 'friend'." She growled while the creature proceeded to smack her arse while the male onlookers stared and whistled.

A sue version of herself. This was not going to end well.

"I vote we nuke this place from orbit," Alice chined in, "Or at least set it on fire."

"As much as I'd love to, that'd kill all the cannons in here and that's the kind of thing that can get us fired. According to the scanner she's a super hot badass sue". She's the kind of girl who throws a party every week with plenty of booze and sex. That'd give us an opportunity to get to her."

The super hot badass sue shook her arse in their direction as she handed out flyers advertising a rave party in an abandoned warehouse.

"See? what'd I tell ya. This way Raven won't have to miss out either."

"Who's' Raven?" Katie asked.

"A friend," Alex replied.

"Oooh I wanna come! I promise I'll kill lots of'em!"

Alex smiled, "not a bad idea. What do you think Alice? It'll be a good chance to go columbine on their asses."

" NO!" Alice screamed louder then she meant too. Causing some people to stare.

Alex dragged Alice into an empty classroom, talking about sue killing plans in a room full of them was not the best idea.

"Come on Alice, it'll be the perfect plan," she whispered, hoping that they hadn't blown their cover yet, hell with Clark's super hearing there was a chance he could already hear them. "We could get all of 'em in one go, wrap it up and call it a day. The sooner we wrap this up, the sooner we can go home and move on to the next mission."

Then a thought occurred to her, could this be a trap set by Celeste? They hadn't seen her yet, but if she were a queen sue this is what she would do, create a too-good-to-miss slaying opportunity. She needed to talk this out with Raven, Raven was always the cautious one.

Alice sighed heavily and crossed her arms over her chest, pouting like a child. " Fine, but I don't want HER there,"

"Okay. According to the flyer it's a costume party, so that gives the sues an excuse to wear sluttier clothes and gives us a good opportunity to grab some costumes with masks and disguise ourselves. "

Alice tilts her head and thinks, " Can I be The Master? Dose Doctor Who exists here?" Some worlds, like Supernatural and Marvel, use lots of cultural references. Though Alice couldn't remember if Smallville is one of them.

"Shouldn't be a problem," Alex replied. "I'm tossing up...wait, superdork has super hearing, we should discuss this at home."

Alice snickered, " I don't know, with all those sonic sqwees going around I doubt her can even hear the person 2 feet from him." As if on cue, two sues let off a ear piercing sqwee because sue number 1 showed sue number 2 a UBER CUTE puppy bag she had.

The small hunter flinched and held her hands over her ears, " hell I"M starting to go death, these halls eco like a bitch."

"Good point. We should also have costumes that either have weapons as part of the outfit or make it easy to conceal them. At first I was thinking I could go as Black Cat, but I couldn't hide anything in that outfit. I have an idea but I'll show you at home, I don't want anyone overhearing."

Alex smiled, her nerves buzzing. Massacres were her favourite.

"We will need to plan this carefully."

Alice gave her famous smile, " that's _your_ thing, me, I'll be packing some TNT."

Alex smiled back, "at least this will be interesting."

Raven was surprised to find that she coped well with an 'adult' life. Though after her time as a slayer it felt strange to go out and have a normal day, pick up food for herself and the girls. Predictably, she ran into Martha Kent. She wasn't shocked, it seemed like every episode one of the Kents ran into a "mysterious stranger" who would play an important role in the episode. Raven had to admit to herself, she had it easier than Alex and Alice. She saw very little sues, most of the sues here were teenagers and no adults. She got talking to Martha, making an effort to be friendly. If Martha knew who she was, it could come in useful if they had to protect Clark from the sues later. She hoped Alex would have a plan when she picked them up, Raven herself had very little idea what their next step would be.

As the two adults talked a insanely thine woman with _midnight black hair that was cast in star light_ (never mind it was in the middle of the day)_and soulful blue eyes that spoke of deep wisdom for her short 20 years of life._

" Excuse me, did I hear right," The sue said in a _airy sweet voice_. " Is your name Martha Clark?"

"Yes, I am Martha Kent," Martha replied, a little bemused. Raven reached for her gun tucked into the back of her pants, hidden by her coat.

The girl bared her perfect white teeth at the woman, her eyes almost glowing with "_divine rage_"

"You're the bitch who stole my John from me all those years ago! I was his high school sweet heart! His first love! And you STOLE him away from me!" The sue screamed in anger, drawing quit a crowed of Looky Lues.

Martha's eyes widened, "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean..."

_Hm, was this a case of what happened when sues didn't "catch their man" and he married his cannon sanctioned sweetheart?_ Raven wondered.

When the sue poked Martha in the chest, Raven grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave." She couldn't kill her in a room full of witlessness, she had to get her outside. "Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, your choice."

" Unhand me you cretan!" The Sue screamed and flipped her onto her back. Then struck a rather hirllaris pouse, like something out of a cheesy kun-fu movie. " I'm trained under ever fight tecneq under the Mother sun!"

Martha fumbled with her cell phone and franticlly called , Raven was getting a sense of Dejavu from her last training session with Hank where he dumped her on her arse.

She got back up. Trained my arse, everyone knows you don't let your opponant get back up.

Raven threw a punch which the sue blocked with a cheesy "Hwaaa!" This was perfectly fine since it was just a distraction so Raven could knee her in the diaphram. The sue doubled over trying to breathe and she gave her a jab in the kidneys and put her in a headlock.

The Sue duppled over in pain and screamed her defeet will only make her storng before taking out a small black pebal and throw it onto the ground, making a smoke bome... Only she didnt disaper when it cleard, she was still right where she was chocking on the smoke before breaking out in a painful looking green rash. Aparintly she got the posine gass and skone bohm mixed up.

Raven flipped out one of the fake police id badges Mac issued them with before they left. Apprently he got the idea from watching _Supernatural_.

"Freeze. Agent Kellher, Special Forces. You're coming with me."She could drag her into an alley and kill her. Meanwhile, she had a whole room full of people to Neuralise.

The Sue wasnt able to repley, as she could seen to do was couch and wizz. Some of the green blouchs green into goffball sixe boils. The Sue saw her reflincon in the glass and let out a ear pearcing scream.

"NOOOOO! MY FACEEEEE! I CANT LEAVE LIKE THIS!"

The sue's head suddenly exploded, leaving the shop covered in green slime.

"Can I have your attention?" Raven called. "I am agent Kellhar." She slipped out her neuralizer, loving how people imedelty trusted an authority figure in times of crisis.

"Could you look here please?"

After she neuralized everyone she turned to Martha, regretting that she had been unable to prevent her from making the 911 call. Mac was going to have her ass for this.

"A kid let off a stink bomb in here, that's what caused the smell. And the mess."

"Ookay," Martha blinked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Meanwhile, this hussy accuced you of stealing Johnathan from her, claiming to be a highschool sweatheart. She's crazy. Be on alert and stay away from anyone like her. They are a danger to you and your family. And your son."

MArtha grabbd her arm.

"What? What was that about my son?"Raven had always had a soft spot for Martha Kent, mostly because of how protective she was about her son. She couldn't just leave her without some kind of warnng.

"They are dangerous, they want your son. Don't call the police, you can trust me and other SSU agents, no one else."

Raven quickly exited the shop. Alex was going to be pissed.


	5. The Queen Has Fallen

(A/N: A big thanks for everyone who has stuck by us. We are currently working on editing and formatting the chapter better, but here is the original version of the chapter until we can get the new version up)

Alex and Alice went home and reported to Raven.  
"I killed one myself, too," Raven confessed and told them about the sue who attacked Martha Kent. "But we'll have to lie low in case the cops get involved."  
"That's a shame," Alex grinned. "Because they're having a party tonight and Alice and I figured it was the perfect opportunity."

Alice popped down on the couch and pulled out blue prints to the house where the party would be held. They had stopped by town hall to pick them up to get a good lay out. It had been shockingly easy, the clerks mind had turned to mush from all the plot holes the sues have caused to get brand new houses and zoning laws out of nowhere. In fact they had just asked for them and she nodded and handed them over.

" I was thinking, with some well placed nukes, we might be able to take them all out." Alice exclaimed.

"And we can kill of any survivors," Raven finished. "It's a costume party, so it's a good opportunity to throw on some disguises."  
"My thought exactly," Alex smiled.  
There was a knock at the door.  
"Will you get that, Alex?" If it was trouble, Alex was more than capable of handling it.  
Alex opened the door, confronted by a familiar figure with blonde plaits. It was the costume she wore that took her by surprise, a replica of Deadpool's costume.  
"No, you are not coming."  
"Fuck them!" the tiny girl raised a fist in the air and started chanting. "Down with DC! Down with DC!"  
Alex looked around, and pulled her into the roof before any of their neighbours got curious.  
"Hey Alice, guess who followed us home."

A gunshot ran out and Katie's head exploded, showing in blood.  
"She was getting on my nerves," Alice explained, trembling with rage, the smoking gun shaking in her hand.  
"A pity," Alex shrugged. "She had potential. Oh well."

The two hunters go to drag her body into the room when they saw a small boy looking at them in shock. He couldn't have been older the 7 years old, with curly blond hair and large blue eyes.

"Oh goddam it," Raven muttered.  
The boy was screaming and crying.  
"Is that blood? ARRRRRGHHH! ARRRGGHHH!"

"Hey kid, look at this," Raven flipped out her neutraliser and gave him a blast.  
Alice smiled and nodded, before going back to the blue prints.  
" You know, I just thought of something, what if the Wonder Dork goes to the party?"  
"We'll do what we can to get him out of there," Raven suggested.

Something just didn't feel right to Chloe Sullivan. It was like being stuck in a bad movie and no one seemed to notice, no one but her. It didn't take reporter's intuition to know something was wrong, the way Smallville had morphed into a bad remake of "revenge of the cheerleaders" over night. Not to mention the numbers of girls hanging around Clark.  
She had seen the flyers around advertising the party at an old warehouse, a warehouse she could have sworn had never been there before. She would take a look around while it was still daylight, see if she could get any answers.

At first the place seemed cold and empty, but something still didn't feel right. Her gut instinct had never led her wrong before. She heard a strange noise and followed it to a locked door, it sounded like crying. The lock itself was easy to pick, a vital skill for any reporter, and she was hit with a blast of cold air. There were a set of stairs leading down. But if this door lead to a cellar, where did all the wind come from?

At the bottom of the stairs she found a small room, a figure huddled against the wall.  
"Hello?" she asked.

The person stopped crying and turned to face her and she was so shocked, she gasped out loud.  
"Clark?"  
He looked confused.  
"Who?"  
Whoever it was looked just like Clark, but his eyes...his eyes were a bright, royal blue. She had only seen the colour before on the title character of House. She looked down and realised he was chained to the wall by one leg.  
"Please, help me!" he begged. "They won't let me leave..."  
"Who won't let you leave?" she asked. "What's your name?"  
"I'm Deamus," a look of terror crossed his face. "She's coming!"  
There was another burst of cold air and when she turned around she was face to face with a tall girl, about five foot 12 with long "silk blonde tresses like rays of the sun."  
"Hm, well well, Chloe I believe? Looks like curiosity really did kill the cat this time."  
"Leave her alone, Celeste!" Deamus demanded.  
"Oh no I have no intention of letting either of you go," she grinned to revel very sharp teeth. "We're going to have some _real_ fun."

Meanwhile on the Kent farm just outside town, Clark was helping his father in the barn when his super hearing picked up the worried voice of his mother from the house.

"_No, I'm afraid I haven't seen Chloe all day. Yes, I know its getting very late. You know how she is though, I'm sure she just lost tract of the time. If she doesn't come home by ten give us a call...  
_It wasn't long before Clark got a phone call from Pete.

"Man, you going to this party tonight?"  
"Not now Pete, Chloe's missing."  
"Come on Clark, you know what she's like, she's probably working on a story."  
"I already tried the torch, Pete. Something's up."  
There was a moment of silence.  
"I'll be right over."

Back at the warehouse, Alice and Alex where scoping the place out for the upcoming party. Unknown to them that Clarks friend was being held hostage inside. While Alex kept a look out Alice was placing explosives along the weak points of the building. Both where dressed up in costumes for the party, just in case they were caught by anyone they could claim they just came too early.

Alex turned her head, the platinum wig of her Black Cat costume swaying in the breeze.  
"Do you guys hear that?"  
"Hear what?" Raven asked, dressed in a karate outfit.  
"Chlloooeeeeeeee!"  
"Oh great, it's wonder dork," Alex complained. "This complicates things."

" Shit," Alice hissed, looking over her shoulder. The hunter throw the long multi coloured scarf over her shoulder so it wouldn't be in her way as she worked faster on the last explosive. Her fingers moving so fast they turned into a blur.

" Alex, can you take over for me?" Alice asked as she finished that bomb, " I'm the only one fast enough to keep the Wonder Dork busy. We need to install the rest of the explosives if you want this to work."

Clark moved to the next warehouse, using his x-ray vision to look for his friend. His sharp eyes picked up a whoosh sound.

" Hey pretty boy, looking for someone?"

Clark turned around and saw that one crazy chick from his PE class that hit Chloe with the ball. She was wearing a ridiculous long scarf with a long coat. She smiled at him, though it was a mean spirited one.

"Where's Chloe?"he demanded as Clark kicked into Hero mode. "What have you done with her?"

" What makes you think _I_ had something to do with her missing this time_?" _Alice asked in mock defence, her smile changed to something resembling enjoyment. Her image blurred before Clarks eyes and she was gone, reappeared right behind him.

" Besides, she really dose stick her noise in where it doesn't belong, she only has herself to blame for that."

"What have you done with her?" Clark asked again, like a broken record. He looked at the warehouse with his x-ray vision and saw that there were a few people inside, moving at super-speed towards the door.

Meanwhile, Raven and Alex were having problems of their own.  
"Looking for something?" asked a "beautiful voice like an angel of beauty"  
"Urgh, we got here early to help out with the party," Raven told her, shielding Alex who was setting a charge.  
The "angel of beauty" looked at Raven with disgust and turned to Alex.  
"Who is she?" she raised a "angelic blonde eyebrow, her crystal blue eyes as mysterious as the kingdom of Atlantis"  
"She is my...Aunt," Alex decided it was time to improvise. "She's just there to make me look good. She's like my servant."  
Raven took it as her queue to act zombie-like.  
"Super, she can help us carry the boxes."  
A box was thrust into Raven's arms and they followed the sue inside.  
When the sue wasn't looking Raven shot Alex a look.  
_What the hell have you gotten us into?_

Alice sighed and rolled her eyes, " I didn't do anything to your girlfriend Wonder Dork. Doesn't she get kidnaped like every other episode? You should put a bell on her or something."

"Episode? What?" Clark asked, confused. "You must help me rescue her."

Meanwhile inside...  
"Find an excuse and leave," Alex muttered to Raven. "You don't exactly blend in."  
It was cruel to say it, but with her hulking frame and less than pretty look, Raven stuck out like an emu in a flock of swans.  
"Yes, leave," one of the sues sneered, her voice "spoke of an ancient power radiating like the dawn".  
Damn super sues and their super-hearing.  
"I'm Angelica Hummingbird!" a sue with "tiny dainty wings of a bird and eyes as big as her heart" spoke up, from her huge eyes and spaced-out voice, Alex could tell she was on something. "Tonight we make a sacrifice to the god of sexhayness!"  
_Oh good lord this doesn't sound good.  
_"We already have a sacrifice, dumbass," their guide threw a football at Angelica.  
"Ow!" Angelica rubbed her head.  
"That snooty reporter bitch in the basement!"  
"What about the other one?" Angelica asked. "Lana? If we sacrifice Lana, Clark will be ours!""  
Angelica proceeded to cackle in a high-pitched voice like a b-grade villain on crack.  
"Celeste said no, something about Lana being the centre of the universe and if she dies the world will implode way too quickly..."  
"At least," Alex heard a chillingly familiar voice. "We don't want the universe to explode while we're still in it."

Alex knew that voice.  
_Celeste._

"We have company," Angelica pointed towards Alex and Raven. "What should we do with them?

" Hey! I know these girl, their my stupid sisters hunter friends." A familiar looking sue screamed.  
"Maybell?" Alex asked. "I thought we killed you."  
"It's Annabelle now!" Annabelle explained.  
"Whatever," Alex yawned. "You're still a creepy slut."

Celeste scoffed and snapped her fingers, using her magic powers to summon ropes around the two. Not only was she a vampire but the mist powerful witch in the world, of course.

" Foolish hunters, you never learn do you?" The Queen smiled beautifully getting right in Alex's face.

Even MORE meanwhile...

Alice frowned and made a face, like she would rather do anything BUT help Clark save the Dumb Ass In Distress.

" I'll only help you cause I'm contractually obligated too, plus it'll piss off my boss if I stab you in the face."

Clark looked mildly alarmed by her words and was starting to wonder if it was a smart idea to ask for her help.

" Come on, my friends can help you...and hold me back when you talk." She mumbled the last part to herself and made her way back to where Alex and Raven was supposes to be, only to find them gone with their bags left behind.

" Crap!" Alice cried out

"What's this crap about sacrificing Chloe?" Raven spoke loudly, hoping to attract Clark's attention. "You know what happens when you kill Cannons! I mean, I know you sluts do it all the time but _god_."  
A thought occurred to Alex.  
Celeste had stated that she didn't want the universe to explode while they were still in it...  
"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" Alex cut Raven off. "Going from world to world, destroying as many of them as you can, but why?"  
Alex didn't particular care, but if she could get Celeste monologing it could buy them some time

Outside Alice and Clark peaked throw a dirty window to see the two hunters tied up and about 5 Sues in the room. Alice couldn't hear what Celeste was saying but from the look of it she seen to be monolouging, along with her sister looking smugly down at them.

" Perfect," the small hunter groaned ducking down out of sight. " Look pretty boy, those things holding my friends hostage have your girlfriend too. They have no souls so its ok to kill them...cuz they can't really die. Think of them like robots, ok?"

Clark nodded and disappeared with a whoosh.

"You SSU sluts just don't know when to quit!" Celeste hissed. "I just want to live my life without being hunted by the SSU! We just want the right to exist without being killed off just because you don't like us!"  
The other sues cheered.  
"You know the rules," Alex told her. "We don't go after cannon sues. You could easily set up in your own universe somewhere and we wouldn't come after you. But you've already tried that, haven't you? You know that world's can't exist without any detail and depth to them, you're just too goddamn lazy!"  
"Setting up my own world does sound like too much work," Celeste grinned. "Why be like one of those nerds who spend their whole lives writing a story, creating a world detailed enough to exist? this is much easier."  
"But every world you go into starts rotting around you, can't you see that?" Raven shouted.  
Celeste smirked.  
"She's already figured that out," Alex said calmly. "You never answered my question, you're doing this on purpose."  
"Well," Celeste inspected her nails. "I know even if I kill you the SSU will just send more, I've killed slayers before. So if I'm destined to be on the run my whole life, I might as well take your precious cannon worlds with me!"  
Alex opened her mouth.  
"Oh I know the world's will heal themselves eventually, but it's a lot of work for you guys, assisting with the rebuilding, guarding the healing worlds from more of us...I'm not going out without a fight. Bring forward the prisoner!" she screamed like a "super-awesome queen of power"

Two sues dressed in wonder-woman costumes dragged Chloe, bound and gagged.  
"Let's see if we can get any of those wonderful chaos-quakes started!"  
"Chaos what?" Raven asked Alex.  
"I think it's what she's calling those earth-quake things that happen right before a world implodes."  
The sues started chanting and dancing around Chloe.  
"Sacrifice the virgin slut!  
Poke out her eyes and fry her butt!  
Break her bones all nice and bent  
Take _this _super-man, Clark Kent!"

Clark appeared in the room with a "whoosh"  
"Chloe!"  
The sues all started giggling and fluttering their eye lashes.  
Alex was still laughing, a noise like a pig on helium. It wasn't a pretty sound.  
"Virgin slut! Oohh my stars...hahaha!"  
"I know, it's so redundant," Raven rolled her eyes. "And what was that bit at the end? Are they sacrificing her in his name? Or sacrificing her to hurt him...which is weird because they all have the major hots for him..."

" Hey Wonder Boy," Annabelle smiled at Clark, momentarily dazzling the poor kid.

" Clark snap outa it!" Chloe screamed, " these girls are nuts!"

Clark blinked and shook his head and tried to move to free his friend but Annabelle kept getting in his way. Every time he dashed one way she was there to meet him.

While Clark was the busy with the sues Alice appeared behind the two bound hunters and cut then free with her dagger.

" Bow to your savour ladies," Alice said as the others stood up and she handed them their bags.

"Thanks," Raven muttered. She drew her gun, shotting one of the wonder-woman sues through the heart. Her twin let out a war-cry and karate-chopped her hand, making her drop the weapon. The sue grabbed the gun and aimed it. Raven panicked, then remembered she was supposed to be a superhero. Wishing she had more time to practise, she created an electric force-field , throwing the sues around her.  
"You can't win, Clark!" Annabelle cackled with glee as the sues surrounded him.

Then they heard a voice come from the doorway.  
"But which one of us is the real Clark Kent?" a young man identical to Clark spoke up, trying to distract the sues.  
Alex smiled and she felt her heart jump.  
_Deamus._

Oh...yeah... we found Deamus..." Alice said less then enthusiastically, "yay."

Celeste turned around and hissed ( sexily no less) at Deamus, " How did you escape!"

Poor Clark Kent looked even more bewildered now, this being his first time interacting with someone who looked like his clone.

" Hey big boy, I'm over here." Annabelle cooed, "you better keep your eye on the prize."

"I am Mark!" Deamus declared proudly. "I'm...Clark's twin brother! From the moon!"  
Alex failed to keep a straight face.  
"Wait, which is the real Clark?" One of the sues asked.  
"I don't know!" another screamed.  
"What does it matter, they both prefer me!"  
"No me!"  
"Out of the way, you whore!"  
The sues worked themselves in a good ol' tizzy fit, and Clark used the confusion as cover to escape with Chloe  
"You idiots!" Annabelle screamed. "He got away!"

" Ow, the stupid is hurting me..." Alice rubbed her temples.

With Chloe in hand Clark made a mad dash for the door only to be blocked by Annabelle again.

"The others may be mindless idiots but I know better. Just gives us Chloe Clark, it's useless to fight me." Annabelle said with a sly smile, flipping back her midnight hair.  
"Never!" Clark declared. He tried to run another way and was blocked again.  
"Grab them!" Annabelle screamed.  
"Hey!" celeste yelled. "I give the orders around here!"

Annabelle simple shrugged, "you seemed a bit busy, you were already having trouble with _one_ man, didn't think you could handle two of them." the sue added with a nasty smile, making the other lesser sues giggle.

"Dude, Andy seems... different." Alice said, somehow all three hunters ended up watching from the side lines. Alice unsure of what to do since she had never quite seen sues act this catty to one another.

"How dare you!" Celeste pointed at her dramatically. "I am queen here, and don't you forget it! Thou shalt challenge me and suffer the consequences or shut thy fucking mouth!"  
Alex giggled.  
"Shut thy fucking mouth...Oh Celeste you've really outdone yourself."  
Celeste smirked, oblivious that Alex was making fun of her.  
"Even the prisoners submit to my authority!"

Annabelle giggled and rolled her eyes, " even I know that's an insult my _Queen_." she said mockingly.

"The hell are we doing?" Alice suddenly said smacking herself in the head. "This would be a good time, to yah know, kill the sues while their distracted." She took aim and shot a black haired Wonder Woman sue in the head.

Annabelle giggled and rolled her eyes, " even I know that's an insult my _Queen_." she said mockingly.

" The hell are we doing?" Alice suddenly said smacking herself in the head. "This would be a good time, to yah know, kill the sues while their distracted." She took aim and shot a black haired Wonder Woman sue in the head.

"Sorry," raven muttered as Celeste and Annabelle continued arguing. "The stupidity was hypnotising."  
A sue jumped at Raven with a vicious war cry, she shocked her with an electric force field. The sue went down like she had been shocked with a tazer and Alex stabbed her between her giant inflated breasts. Blood spurted from the injury and the sue made a horrible gurgling sound.  
"Attack!" Annabelle screamed. "Attack them!"  
"Oh that is it!" Celeste screamed and smacked Annabelle across the face.  
"Hypnotising stupidity," Raven muttered as Celeste and Annabelle engaged in a bitch-slapping competition.

Alice sighed heavily and pistol whipped a sue that got to close before shooting her throw the head. She cast a hard glance over at Annabelle and Celeste but decided that she should pick off the lesser sues first before she stab Celeste in the face for hitting her sister, sue or not,

Then "time seem to freeze with all the drama of fate" as Celeste reach over and pulled Annabelle's heart out of her chest.  
She pulled out her heart, which will stop her from resurrecting as a queen sue, Alex realised.

The only sound was the _thump _of Annabelle body as it hit the floor. Alice stoped mid-attack and just stood there in wide eyed shock. Looking at Annabelle body like she was waiting for it to come back to like it always did. The seconds almost seen to creep but in the typical "with all the drama of fate" fashion.

"A-Andy..."

Celeste just laughed as she throw the heart to the ground, " No one changes me! I'm the Queen around here, and she had it coming!"

" You _Bitch_! I'll fucking _kill you_!" Alice screamed in a primal rage before lunging at the Sue.

Even Celeste was stunned momentarily as the small hunter attacked with such furry she couldn't fight back. After Alice scored a few hits though the sue regained herself at started to fight back, pulling the stupid golden sword out of nowhere.

Alex jumped into the fray, rushing to Alice's assistance while Raven and Tassie kept the remaining sues busy. Clark and Chloe had finally disappeared and Deamus had retreated to the basement.  
"Die you little witch!" Celeste screamed at Alice, raising her sword.

Alice start up tackled Celeste to the ground, her mind too clouded with rage to even think of using any of her weapons. All the hunter wanted to do was punch that pretty face of hers into the ground. Her fists turning into a blur by her super speed, but Celeste managed to throw Alice off of her and into a nearby wall.

Alice pushed herself off the ground and snarled at the Queen, her teeth now bloodied from a busted lip. Finally pulling out one of her toothed daggers she leaped back into the fight with a loud cry.

Celeste found herself purely on the offence as she just barely managed to block Alice's attack after attack. The Queen raised her golden sword to block an oncoming blade but Alice faked her out and kicked her in the stomach. As she Dubbed over in pain the hunter took this opening and took the back of her head and slammed it into her knee before yanking her head back up by the roots of her pretty blond hair.

Alice didn't need to scream, didn't need to say a word to get her point across as Celeste looked her in the eye. She was going to die, and it wouldn't be a very nice death at all. For the first time in her prefect little life she was powerless to stop what was going to happen, she had simply pushed it too far, and she was about to pay.

"You cannot defeat me!" Celeste spat "her voice as cold and beautiful as an icy diamond." "I am the immortal vampire princess of krypton!"  
"You're the princess of fuck all," Alex glared, handing Alice a knife so she could do the honours.

Alice sneered at the sue as she unsheathed the knife from its lead lining. The blade glowing a dull green in the dim warehouse.

" Good, then this should hurt like a bitch." The speedster hissed before turning into a blur.

The queen screamed in rage and spun around, trying to find where Alice would strike next. Suddenly pain blossomed across her arm, then her back, her legs, her face. It took Celeste a couple of secants to realise what was happening, and in those seconds she was covered in a dozen more cuts that burned. Alice wasn't dealing down a fatal blow, not yet, cut by cut she was slowly draining Celeste of her powers but the krypton knife.

Alex grabbed Celeste by the ears and twisted her head off, blood gushing from her neck. Before Celeste could recover, she sliced open her chest and reached inside. She felt something hard and pulled it out, revealing a pink glittery stone the size of her fist. Grabbing her knife, she stabbed it right in the centre and the rock started bleeding pink goo.

Celeste's decapitated head screamed, and her body turned as grey as stone before it exploded.

What remained of the lesser sues looked on in horror at their queen's death, now with no leader they fell into despair. Most fleeing to another world, some stuck around to fight and try to claim the title of queen, but they were easy picking. In the end it took about just under a half hour to clean up the rest of the town, witch Raven was sure was some kind of record.

Alex turned to Alice, who was still pale and shaking.  
"How are you holding up?"

(I figured this would be a good time for Alice to share her feelings and Alex to tell her about her family. I was hoping you could add some lines for Alice here)  
"I know she was a sue, but she was still your sister. I'm sorry."  
"You know how I said I was married to a serial killer?" Alex asked as Tassie sat down beside her. " Well, he was killed by demon-hunting sue. She killed my husband and my five year old son. I buried her alive in cement. I kept sane by hunting down the other sues, killing them the way Dmitri and I used to stalk and kill our victims. Some sue-slayers found me and brought me to the ssu."

"What are we going to do about Deamus?" Raven asked, as the man in question shivered quietly beside Alex. He had fangs marks on his neck and it was obvious Celeste had been keeping him as some kind of love slave "You know the boss won't let you keep him."  
"They have a rehab centre for sues who are taken in alive, he'll be given a chance to evolve."  
Not that the rehab was well populated, most slayers just killed every sue in sight and called it a day.  
"Huh?" Deamus asked.  
"We're going to take you to a place where some nice people are going to take care of you," Raven told him. "Give you a chance to pull your life together."  
This was the choice, take Deamus to rehab or let him go and let him go on the run, but looking at him, Raven thought he looked like a lost puppy, he wouldn't survive on his own. Plus he wouldn't go anywhere without Alex. Alex didn't want to kill him and Raven didn't want to let him go, so rehab was the only option.  
Deamus looked at Alex.

"You, you were married to a serial killer?" Deamus asked, his eyes wide. "You help him kill people?"  
Alex nodded. It looked like her fan-boy was about to be hit with a hard dose of reality.  
His lip trembled.  
"You're not the person I thought you were."  
Alex shook her head.  
"No, I'm not. I've killed people Deamus, and not all of them deserved it."  
"Vampire scare me, Alex. I can't be a vampire."  
After what he had gone through with Celeste, and finding out about her own history, that was understandable.  
"I understand, Deamus."

It was sad to see the end of their…whatever they had, but Deamus, like all sues and stus, had never really loved the real her, he only believed in an idealistic version of her.

"You should come with us anyway, don't worry, you'll be safe."  
Alex turned on her communicator.  
"Kay? Come in Kay."  
"Agent Arganough, how's the mission?"  
"We killed Celeste, pulled out her heart stone. We took care of the others. But..."  
"We have a live one," Raven finished her sentence.  
"Deamus?" Kay asked.  
"Yeah," Alex said sadly. "He's harmless, we figured we could bring him into the rehab centre."  
"Alex, this isn't a good idea," Kay said with a warning. "Remember Agent Jenson."  
"'sokay, Deamus broke up with me anyway, he's got issues with vamps, Celeste did something to him. We need a portal. We're coming home."  
"Sure thing Agent Arganough. By the way, don't tell Mac I told you this but he's got your next mission lined up. Something Agent Morgan is going to love."  
"Aw, can't' you tell me?" Alex asked. She searched her memory and then remembered he was talking about Alice.  
Kay laughed.  
"I want to see her face when she finds out."  
A glowing portal appeared in front of them. She turned to the others.  
"Okay guys, let's go home."

"So what's this new mission?" Alex asked Mac when they returned.  
"Agent Morgan won't be joining you this time," Mac grunted angrily, puffing on a cigar.  
"What? Come on Mac, she's a valuable member of the team," Alex protested. "What aren't you telling us?"  
"Charlotte's disappeared, we think the Marvel world is in some serious trouble."  
"So why get rid of the only expert we have? Oh wait, Deadpool, right. Come on Mac, don't tell me you don't fall asleep at night dreaming of little Alice/Deadpool babies."  
Mac shuddered.

"Agent Morgan, you should take some time off," Mac told her.

" No," Alice said simply, like she had a chose in the matter. " I need to get back to work."

"Yeah, come on Mac, making her stay behind isn't going to do her any good." Raven insisted.  
"Okay, but Hank's coming with you on this mission," Mac insisted. "You'll need all the help you can get."

Alice moaned and rolled her eyes, " goodie, as if Alex making kissy faces at Demise wasn't enough to make me sick."

"No can do Mac, you sent Hank and Protofski to the Final Fantasy universe."  
"Oh goddam it, fine he's on emergency backup if you guys get kidnapped or something."

Alice just snorted and crossed her arms, " they'd have to catch me first."

Alex looked at Deamus one last time as he was led away to the Mary sue Rehab facility. They had been to hell and back, Alice had lost her sister and Alex had lost Deamus. Deamus himself had faced god-knows what while he was Celeste's prisoner. She hoped he would be safe, if any of the other slayers killed him, she would end them. Their relationship might not have been the great love affair Deamus thought it was, but she did feel certain affection for him.  
They had all been through hell and they had destroyed the most dangerous sue in SSU history.  
She hoped they wouldn't have too many more missions like this.  
She smiled to herself. She wanted to see Alice hunt on her home ground.  
_The Marvel world, sounds like fun._


End file.
